OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
