oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
All I want is dick and wine.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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