He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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