I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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