One girl and one boy is just not enough.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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