i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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