Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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