She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
