update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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