I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
