I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.