He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.