He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
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I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay