You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...