I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
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This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?