I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal