I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
