its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
