Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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