I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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