Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't deserve a penis
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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