I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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