i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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