I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
