Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
