MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
