You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
