420 ftw
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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