she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
