Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
