I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
