Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
