All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think my vagina is haunted
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This baby is an asshole
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
