i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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