no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
