Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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