I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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