we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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