Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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