i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
