guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
