she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
