the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
