My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
