I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
