I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
