apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
