you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize