it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
