I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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