our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
