puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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