Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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