I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
