Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
