You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
