You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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