is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
