my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
