Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
