Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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