What a fucking waste of an outfit
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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