like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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