Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
