Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
