the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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