Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
