I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
