is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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