Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
