oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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