maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
