I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Randomize
