...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
