You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
